The Difference Between What We Do and What We Would Choose to Do

I'm spending too much extra energy on work stuff. I don't know why. I've put in a lot of hours in the last couple of weeks and I devote too much time to thinking about things outside of the office. It's hard for me not to let my work persona take over my identity. Sometimes I feel like I have to disengage from it when I'm coming off the boat and getting back onto the island. That's weird because I know that I would always rather be at home. If I won the lottery, I think I would leave my job immediately. Or maybe I wouldn't. It's hard to say, really. It all boils down to the difference between what we have to do and what we would choose to do. I really enjoy my job and get a great deal of satisfaction from it, but I ended up there as a result of decisions that I made to fulfill requirements like pay the rent and put food in the refrigerator. And yet, the whole notion of doing what you would choose to do seems to be a dead end for all but a few people. My dad, for example, really went into a depression soon after he retired and he hated his job. I think that if he was still working today, he'd probably be alive (though maybe a little grumpy). If I got to do something I think I really want to do: open a business on the island and not have to worry about whether or not it ever made money, what would I dream about? I don't think life is necessarily good when its easy.

So, what...I'm talking myself out of winning the lottery? This is stupid.

Okay, so here's what I really wanted to write about today. I read in the newspaper that the National Geographic photographer who took a very famous cover shot of an anonymous Afghan refugee in 1985 was able to find her again all these years later. The article showed two images of her, and it printed her age between 29 and 32. The latter image was evidently staged to make it look as much like the original photo as possible, but the difference between them is very clear. Her life has been very hard in the time since she was 15, and that hardship has exagerated in her physical features the wisdom that time brings to everyone.Call it knowledge from the other side of thirty. As a young woman, she looks ready to take on the world. As an older woman, she seems vaguely embarassed. Check it out: National Geographic.