Now I'm 33
Yesterday was my 33rd birthday. Not so much of an event these days, or not this year, anyway. I kept thinking it was the first birthday without my dad. Next we'll be coming up on the first Christmas without dad, and then that horrible year of firsts will be over.
I did have a very nice birthday, though. Wendy created a birthday weekend for me, including a scavenger hunt for a present, a birthday cake, home-made clam chowder and a few meals out. She totally surpised me with two presents, too: a DirecTV system and a thumb piano, much like one we saw being played at Sebold Second Saturday. I was especially touched by the thumb piano--it was such a clever idea for a present.
Overall, things are going pretty well. Work is starting to slow down a bit, and I'm less stressed out by the holidays this year than I usually am. I'd say I'm a little bit more into the Christmas spirit than I thought I would be, and that's because of what happened on the day after Thanksgiving. Wendy's family was over and we had gone out that day to get a tree. Wendy really wanted me to help her set up the train--on my father had bought for me the day I was born--around the tree like in previous years so her family could see. I didn't want to, but it was really important for her, so I took the lid off the box and the sadness came and knocked the wind right out of me. I got up and went straight to bed and was thinking about staying there for the rest of the night when it occurred to me that was exactly what my dad would have done. Something would make him sad--usually memories of his parents--and he would go to bed early just to sulk. I hated how he would do that. One couldn't help but feel that he was taking his grief out on the rest of us. That's when I decided that it's better to concentrate on the feeling of his presence than to concentrate on the feeling of his absense. I've got to remember to tell mom this story.
I did have a very nice birthday, though. Wendy created a birthday weekend for me, including a scavenger hunt for a present, a birthday cake, home-made clam chowder and a few meals out. She totally surpised me with two presents, too: a DirecTV system and a thumb piano, much like one we saw being played at Sebold Second Saturday. I was especially touched by the thumb piano--it was such a clever idea for a present.
Overall, things are going pretty well. Work is starting to slow down a bit, and I'm less stressed out by the holidays this year than I usually am. I'd say I'm a little bit more into the Christmas spirit than I thought I would be, and that's because of what happened on the day after Thanksgiving. Wendy's family was over and we had gone out that day to get a tree. Wendy really wanted me to help her set up the train--on my father had bought for me the day I was born--around the tree like in previous years so her family could see. I didn't want to, but it was really important for her, so I took the lid off the box and the sadness came and knocked the wind right out of me. I got up and went straight to bed and was thinking about staying there for the rest of the night when it occurred to me that was exactly what my dad would have done. Something would make him sad--usually memories of his parents--and he would go to bed early just to sulk. I hated how he would do that. One couldn't help but feel that he was taking his grief out on the rest of us. That's when I decided that it's better to concentrate on the feeling of his presence than to concentrate on the feeling of his absense. I've got to remember to tell mom this story.
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