Columbia: Election, Hope Lost
I couldn't even write yesterday. I couldn't do much of anything. I didn't even go on a walk, which had become my routine.
Kerry lost the election. We lost the election. I lost the election.
I was so confident, so optimistic. The last four years has shown us a presidency so inept, corrupt, so...base in its dealings with the world that I thought for sure that Kerry would get at least 60% of the vote. Early news throughout the day indicated surging voter turnout, which, everyone believed, would benefit Kerry. And then, as the saying goes, defeat was snatched from the jaws of victory.
We had our first class on election night. Things went well, though we're off to a slow start. We're teaching at a women's college, though we're teaching to various people in the community--not just the girly girls of the school. They've even got us set up in an old TV studio--someone said it was the biggest in the state. The studio was shut down years ago when the school abandoned the program. Since then, the studio has been used as an equipment graveyard. There's a distinct, creepy feel to the space. Huge '60s-era tube-camera pedestals supporting '80s-era video cameras look like Raggedy Ann torsos with transplanted Barbie heads. The studio lights are controlled by an apparatus that looks and works like a 1940s telephone switchboard. It would be easy to pretend we were survivors of a catastrophe who had happened upon this studio-in-ruins in hopes of connecting to somebody, anybody. "Hello? Can anyone hear me? Oh, it's no use!"
We stocked up on some groceries and headed back to the house after class. I stayed up until 2 a.m. drinking gin and tonic and watching one of the three fuzzy channels we can get on the TV here--NBC. Everything just looked more and more grim. At one point, an elder Republican statesman from Utah -- can't remember his name -- even thanked Tom Brokah on-air for helping to deliver South Dakota to the Republicans. The camera was on Brokaw at the time, and his face blanched at being outed. He mumbled something about not wanting to "get in trouble" and hurried to the next question.
I went to bed, but was back up again at seven to see if Santa had come during the night to bring us some doubt about the Ohio projections. He didn't. The day was wasted. I smoked some cigarettes (a desperate act for a desperate time) and watched the same chipper NBC news segments and talking-head bullshit until Kerry finally came out of his Beacon Hill spiderhole and gave himself up.
It just doesn't add up. I'd shift into conspiracy overdrive if it weren't for the fact that the polls had been foretelling this story since the Republican convention. I really thought that because no one I knew supported this president (at least no one copped to it), that he wouldn't be elected. I really thought that Wednesday's news would have two big stories: Kerry Wins by Sizeable Margin and The Power of the Unlikely Voter. Instead, we got GWB and the Revenge of the Confederacy.
I can feel yesterday's despair coming back, so I should stop. But let me add that yesterday, we stopped into a Wal-Mart for art supplies for class. I make it a point to avoid WM at all costs, but around here it's about the only option. I walked over to a nearby bookshelf as Wendy checked out. It was filled with laughable contemporary Christian books, like "Proper Care and Feeding of a Husband," "Chicken Soup for the Christian Soul," and even "God's Diet." It made me laugh out loud in the store. Certainly the one book not on that shelf but one, no doubt, influencing them all is "Make Money and Influence People--the Jesus Way." It's a book Carl Rove knows by heart.
Kerry lost the election. We lost the election. I lost the election.
I was so confident, so optimistic. The last four years has shown us a presidency so inept, corrupt, so...base in its dealings with the world that I thought for sure that Kerry would get at least 60% of the vote. Early news throughout the day indicated surging voter turnout, which, everyone believed, would benefit Kerry. And then, as the saying goes, defeat was snatched from the jaws of victory.
We had our first class on election night. Things went well, though we're off to a slow start. We're teaching at a women's college, though we're teaching to various people in the community--not just the girly girls of the school. They've even got us set up in an old TV studio--someone said it was the biggest in the state. The studio was shut down years ago when the school abandoned the program. Since then, the studio has been used as an equipment graveyard. There's a distinct, creepy feel to the space. Huge '60s-era tube-camera pedestals supporting '80s-era video cameras look like Raggedy Ann torsos with transplanted Barbie heads. The studio lights are controlled by an apparatus that looks and works like a 1940s telephone switchboard. It would be easy to pretend we were survivors of a catastrophe who had happened upon this studio-in-ruins in hopes of connecting to somebody, anybody. "Hello? Can anyone hear me? Oh, it's no use!"
We stocked up on some groceries and headed back to the house after class. I stayed up until 2 a.m. drinking gin and tonic and watching one of the three fuzzy channels we can get on the TV here--NBC. Everything just looked more and more grim. At one point, an elder Republican statesman from Utah -- can't remember his name -- even thanked Tom Brokah on-air for helping to deliver South Dakota to the Republicans. The camera was on Brokaw at the time, and his face blanched at being outed. He mumbled something about not wanting to "get in trouble" and hurried to the next question.
I went to bed, but was back up again at seven to see if Santa had come during the night to bring us some doubt about the Ohio projections. He didn't. The day was wasted. I smoked some cigarettes (a desperate act for a desperate time) and watched the same chipper NBC news segments and talking-head bullshit until Kerry finally came out of his Beacon Hill spiderhole and gave himself up.
It just doesn't add up. I'd shift into conspiracy overdrive if it weren't for the fact that the polls had been foretelling this story since the Republican convention. I really thought that because no one I knew supported this president (at least no one copped to it), that he wouldn't be elected. I really thought that Wednesday's news would have two big stories: Kerry Wins by Sizeable Margin and The Power of the Unlikely Voter. Instead, we got GWB and the Revenge of the Confederacy.
I can feel yesterday's despair coming back, so I should stop. But let me add that yesterday, we stopped into a Wal-Mart for art supplies for class. I make it a point to avoid WM at all costs, but around here it's about the only option. I walked over to a nearby bookshelf as Wendy checked out. It was filled with laughable contemporary Christian books, like "Proper Care and Feeding of a Husband," "Chicken Soup for the Christian Soul," and even "God's Diet." It made me laugh out loud in the store. Certainly the one book not on that shelf but one, no doubt, influencing them all is "Make Money and Influence People--the Jesus Way." It's a book Carl Rove knows by heart.
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