RSVP Maybe

So I am supposed to be working on all different sorts of stuff, but I found this cool writing challenge. These two folks have set up a fake wedding and they're inviting people to RSVP No with outlandish fictional excuses as to why they aren't going to come. I submitted a decidedly more ambivalent response:

Dear Kate and Haaj,

So you guys are tying the knot, eh? Good for you. I'm not really the marrying kind, myself, but I do love weddings. The tears, the dancing, the drinking. We're going to have such a great time! I can't hardly wait.

Thanks for inviting me. You must be planning a real big blow-out. The Plaza! Wow!

Kate, I haven't seen you in...years. I guess it must have been college, right? High school?

But really, how long has it been? When your invitation came, I was at a total loss. But after an hour and a few phone calls, I narrowed you down to three Kates and, honestly, I would have remembered a name like Hajj. I'm on a first-name basis with so many people that things get a bit muddled some times--maybe you understand. Much later, it mostly came to me in a flash. I can picture your face, but I can't quite put my thumb on the where and when of our last meeting.

Regardless, I look forward to being your honored guest on this very important day. We'll have so much to relive, so many questions to answer. It will be great to meet and/or see you again, too, Hadj. Everyone knows how I love weddings.

So the thing is that I'm planning to be in the area with a few friends, and I just want to be sure it's cool that they tag along. They're a great bunch of guys, actually, and they really bring the fun, know what I mean? Once my boy Big Pete starts dancing, you're going to have to peel your bridesmaids off him. Seriously, especially if you have an open bar.

Also, we might be a little late getting there...we're hitting another wedding that same day. Someone invited me to a cat wedding, can you believe that? If that party is lame, we'll probably catch up with you at your reception site.

Thanks again, guys, and I'll definitely give you a heads up if the travel plans fall through.

Mitch

p.s. You guys misspelled my name on the invitation. Just wanted to let you know in case there's confusion when it comes time to make the seating chart.

p.p.s. If you guys want me to give you a killer toast at the reception, just say the word. I've got a few different sure-fire, can't-follow-that hits that will have your guests laughing and crying and laughing again. That's one reason Little Tony calls me "The Closer." Wait till you meet him. He's a riot!