Send Them Back to Alabamistan

The 2004 presidential election are represented by population, by Mark Newman, Department of Physics and Center for the Study of Complex Systems, University of Michigan

First, let's not confuse Alabamistan with the fine state Alabama. Alabamistan exists in a different dimension, as a network of tiny hearts and warped minds that have had outsized influence over the lives of Americans.

In Alabamistan, the citizens don't want women to breast feed their child in public. Even though breast feeding is one of the human traditions that got all of us here, the sight of breast feeding makes them embarrassed and offended. Some actually expect women to breast feed in the restroom. Is that where people normally eat in Alabamistan?

The people of Alabamistan don't want children to learn about evolution, even though all of our scientific understanding supports evolution being as undeniable as gravity. In it's place, they want to teach a quasi-religious, metaphysical viewpoint as science. All this because evolution seems to contradict their religious text. The Alabamistanies would likely also rather think of the sun revolving around the earth.

In Alabamistan, they say never forget 9/11 and, yet, they've never understood it. They think Saddam Hussein was the mastermind. They believe we're spreading democracy with M16s. They haven't the faintest clue about 20th century middle east history, and they are blissful in their ignorance. They believe the President is doing a good job in the War on Terror.

The Alabamistanies hate gay and lesbian people. They think their religious text impels them to hate homosexuals, even though the founder of their religion, Jesus Christ, clearly commands them to love and accept all people. Their religious leaders teach a peculiar, intolerant interpretation of the text. Their legislators make laws against gays getting married even though gay marriage would have no impact on their own lives.

Not only is Alabamistan against expanding America's personal rights and freedoms, they want to erode the rights we already have. They want to change the U.S. Constitution to make it illegal to burn the American flag. They don't understand that such a law would make the flag no longer worth burning, since it would no longer serve as a symbol of expanding freedom.

Alabamistan doesn't care about global climate change. The believe their religion gives them the right to do whatever they want to the earth, and that a religious prophecy of war, famine, death, and pestilence precedes their exclusive salvation. Thankfully, some of their religious leaders are starting to change their opinion on this issue.

Just as the people of Lebanon are being held hostage by Hezbollah, and as the Afghanies are terrorized by the Taliban, our nation, too, is being led by a fundamentalist minority who want to curb our freedoms and live according to their religion.

Now is the time to stand up and be heard. Do what you can this fall to rid Congress of each and every fundamentalist. Send them back to Alabamistan.