I'm Sorry You Didn't Get a Christmas Card From Me

The Christmas Room at this year's Rotary Auction

I am sorry. I really am. I wanted to send you a Christmas card this year, but I couldn't. It wasn't until this week that I realized that I couldn't. I bought boxes of Christmas cards, compiled a list of addresses, even went so far as to print out labels and buy stamps, but I didn't send out any Christmas cards.

It's been on my list of things to do since Thanksgiving. Sure, the kidney stone wiped me out, and there was the snow, and that trip to see mom Mom, and then the power black out. But those aren't what kept me from sending out cards.

I procrastinate. For some things, my procrastination is a barely animated form of paralysis. Here's a partial list of things that I did instead of writing Christmas cards: polished the stove, ripped CDs into iTunes, read news on the Internet, went out with friends, rented movies, fixed a computer for my church, thought about writing Christmas cards.

This year I've learned that there is a reason why we procrastinate, but that you sometimes have to work to discover that reason. On Wednesday, the last conceivable day to send out a card before Christmas, I freed up the whole day to get it done in one big push. By sending out Christmas cards, I could keep up with family, friends, business contacts and let them all know that I was here, that I made it through the years intact.

I didn't write a single one all day.

But I did learn that I'm not ready to write a Christmas card, and that's why I'm procrastinating. So I'm giving myself and break and apologizing publicly. Maybe I'm not ready to sign one just "From Porter," or maybe it's because the words "Merry" and "Christmas" seem like mountain peaks separated by vast plains and deserts. Maybe it's because Christmas cards should be both cheerful and brief and I feel like being neither right now.

I do think of you, all of you, on my list and I do want you to enjoy this Christmas, and I hope you will cherish the warmth of family. I wish you peace. I hope you'll get my card next year.